Ever heard of that song? It's the ultimate song of Final Fantasy, at least for me, that and To Zanarkand.. Both are sweet and sad at the same time..

That, just what I feel lately.. Sweet, and sad..
If I may see myself as a thing, I may say that I'm a broken thing.. And in a very bad state.. I wonder why anybody ever wants me again..

But then..
Bast comes.
He come and say, he accept me as the way I am. The broken, ugly, unwanted me.
So I laughed. I mean, who the hell is going to be serious on me, anyway? But I agree. I play with him for a while, I think. For as I thought, he will fail. No body ever wants me as the way I am really are. No one. Not even my so-very-beloved ex whom I was adore so much. Not even my very own Onee-Chan, not even my beloved older sister, to those are the ones I hope will accept me. No. I'm all alone.

And it begins. Slowly, but sure.. I'm not sure how it happens.. He wash away almost all my pain.. He makes me believes, there's still hope out there.. There's still someone who take me as a blessing, not pain.. Still, there's still some bitterness inside of me which I can't just erase. Even if almost all the pain are gone, it's just almost. not ALL.

And the problem came. The possessiveness inside of me begin to shout as I began to love him more and more..
And it came to the point where I feel it's better to breaking up with him than to feel the hurt feeling ever again.
But then, again, he's different.. He patiently (although I know he's damn confused and upset) ask me, what's wrong with me. And I can't tell! What should I tell him? OMG, I'm so possessive, and OMG, I'm jealous of you with .. dunno, air? That doesn't make sense at all! But still.. He ask me to trust him.. At least, try.. He didn't ask me to trust him just now. He can accept that I don't have faith in him, but he ask me to try, at least for my sake, so I won't hurt ever again, because I can only feel agony in love. For now.

Well.. Now I know how it feels to be loved..
君の愛は完璧です。。。