Tuesday, September 28, 2010I was looking at my last blog.. (Well I made it messed up now, to show that I'm not using that blog anymore) and reminiscing my last post.. and seeing my archives... And I've been thinking lately.. Why am I so happy and cheerful in my last blog while I'm not that happy in the end.. I was so cheerful at first.. *yea, before I got so much problem with my ex.. -.-
Am I losing myself..?
What am I supposed to do? Is this for the better life I can have? Is it for real? Do this means I'm getting better? But why am I feeling that I getting worse?
Humpfft.. Maybe I should look for a change of mood..
If any of you who read this thinks that may be better if I make a new blog to share my craziness.. Well I think you should comment here.. now.. :)
Am I losing myself..?
What am I supposed to do? Is this for the better life I can have? Is it for real? Do this means I'm getting better? But why am I feeling that I getting worse?
Humpfft.. Maybe I should look for a change of mood..
If any of you who read this thinks that may be better if I make a new blog to share my craziness.. Well I think you should comment here.. now.. :)
8:54 PM |
Monday, September 27, 2010Lately, I become such a "money-minded" person. I become more, more, and more wanting money. Everywhere, everytime. But I think I'm not the one who had the talent to make money.. *sigh*
But everytime I goes to church.. I always reminded by proverbs and anything, by the reading and the gospel, that we can't be rich if we don't enrich people first. At least, that's what God wants us to do. But still...
I love the feelings about the first-class items.. I love the feeling of using best-quality products..
Oh crap.. I should find a way..~_~
Any richie rich in here?
But everytime I goes to church.. I always reminded by proverbs and anything, by the reading and the gospel, that we can't be rich if we don't enrich people first. At least, that's what God wants us to do. But still...
I love the feelings about the first-class items.. I love the feeling of using best-quality products..
Oh crap.. I should find a way..~_~
Any richie rich in here?
7:33 PM |
Sunday, September 19, 2010Because nobody had read this blog *maybe just you*, I can tell ALL my darkest secret here..
I admit I had some psychological issues. I had SAS.. Self-Abusal syndrome. I got that from my last ex. He makes me so depressed that I had finally can cope to cutting my arms, drinks drugs forcefully, *usually diabetic and blood-pressure drugs, where my sugar blood and blood pressure are low (80/100)* and hitting my head to the wall, I know that I'm crazy and need some help. Maybe. And I know that I can't be loved this way. I mean, no one wants to have a psycho for their girlfriend, right? But still..
When Bast going out with me.. At first I was so happy. Things may works out now!
1 month.. still not showing anything. I started to think I might be healed completely.
Going on two months.. I started to quarrel with him.
On our two months celebration.. He lied to me. Small thingie, but I dislike dishonesty the most. I was furious, but he didn't show any remorse, or anything. It stressed me up, and voila! I got into SAS again..
I know he watched me and I can't stop it. He looks terrified.
But I don't know it was the end.
Now..
Bast asked me to break up and change our status to be "best-friend"
I should've known, noone can cope with me
I am not lovable.
He can't love me.
But I still tried.. And I failed again.. and again.. and again..
I feel so sad.. I realize that if you want to be loved, at least you have to act that you can be loved. But it's already too late.
G'nite, hoping to see you tomorrow..
If there is. If I'm too coward to do what I had in my mind..
PS: don't worry, I'm still in "chicken" state. so the possibilities are low.. :D
I admit I had some psychological issues. I had SAS.. Self-Abusal syndrome. I got that from my last ex. He makes me so depressed that I had finally can cope to cutting my arms, drinks drugs forcefully, *usually diabetic and blood-pressure drugs, where my sugar blood and blood pressure are low (80/100)* and hitting my head to the wall, I know that I'm crazy and need some help. Maybe. And I know that I can't be loved this way. I mean, no one wants to have a psycho for their girlfriend, right? But still..
When Bast going out with me.. At first I was so happy. Things may works out now!
1 month.. still not showing anything. I started to think I might be healed completely.
Going on two months.. I started to quarrel with him.
On our two months celebration.. He lied to me. Small thingie, but I dislike dishonesty the most. I was furious, but he didn't show any remorse, or anything. It stressed me up, and voila! I got into SAS again..
I know he watched me and I can't stop it. He looks terrified.
But I don't know it was the end.
Now..
Bast asked me to break up and change our status to be "best-friend"
I should've known, noone can cope with me
I am not lovable.
He can't love me.
But I still tried.. And I failed again.. and again.. and again..
I feel so sad.. I realize that if you want to be loved, at least you have to act that you can be loved. But it's already too late.
G'nite, hoping to see you tomorrow..
If there is. If I'm too coward to do what I had in my mind..
PS: don't worry, I'm still in "chicken" state. so the possibilities are low.. :D
7:49 AM |
Thursday, September 16, 2010ma petite chérie
Comment allez-vous?
Où aviez-vous été?
J'ai cherché pour vous
All this time
I wander around
and here you are
sit silently, in the dark corner in the past
weißt du das?
Ich habe alle meine Kraft
Suche nach etwas Liebe
nicht zu wissen, Sie waren dort
But now I had found you
will I ever lose you again?
Will I?
I dunno..
Whispering calmly,
I know one sure thing
I will not let you go
If I'm gonna meet you again..
*Whisper of a rose is a game name..
Comment allez-vous?
Où aviez-vous été?
J'ai cherché pour vous
All this time
I wander around
and here you are
sit silently, in the dark corner in the past
weißt du das?
Ich habe alle meine Kraft
Suche nach etwas Liebe
nicht zu wissen, Sie waren dort
But now I had found you
will I ever lose you again?
Will I?
I dunno..
Whispering calmly,
I know one sure thing
I will not let you go
If I'm gonna meet you again..
*Whisper of a rose is a game name..
8:10 PM |
Friday, September 10, 2010Picnic!!!
Thanks for those moslems who celebrate 1431 H, there's a free holiday, and my family are free.. So we decide to go to Safari Park, and enjoying our time there. I remember I had some pork sausage and shrimp in my fridge, and I want to makes some mom's-style homemade fried-rice, which tastes unique because we use tomato sauce in it, and served with shrimp crackers. So I made that, and the shrimp crackers, and put it in a picnic bag.
We arrived at Safari Park at 8.00 am. Wow! But unfortunately, the Safari Park opens at 8.30 am.. So we have to wait. When we got there, there's already a queue. Seems like there's so many people who decide to go to Safari Park too.
We really enjoyed ourselves there. My father relaxing for a while at reptile cave *cool inside, eh, pop? LOL* and me and my sister watching Elephant show, Dolphin show, and The many-animals drama. Those squirrels sure are cute! In every show, we are showed how wild hunting and forest-looting are ruining our animal habitat, and also ruining our world, as the Global Warming affects us all. After we watch those show, pop had refreshed, and ready to take a walk with us.
We're walking and watch the shows *There's so many shows, bird shows, tiger shows, and many many more I can't remember each one..* we got a little hungry. As the food in Tiger cave was so expensive, we eat the fried rice I brought from home. Actually, for me, it tastes much better than the food in Tiger Cave. LOL. Maybe that's because we really got into the picnic atmosphere? I dunno.
Contented and full, we continues our walking. From 9 am to 4 pm, honestly I feel exhausted. Then, I ask to rest. My pop said it's okay not to watch the last show *I don't know that pop want to see it.. Sorry pop! >.<* and go home. What a nice day we had yesterday..
Thanks for those moslems who celebrate 1431 H, there's a free holiday, and my family are free.. So we decide to go to Safari Park, and enjoying our time there. I remember I had some pork sausage and shrimp in my fridge, and I want to makes some mom's-style homemade fried-rice, which tastes unique because we use tomato sauce in it, and served with shrimp crackers. So I made that, and the shrimp crackers, and put it in a picnic bag.
We arrived at Safari Park at 8.00 am. Wow! But unfortunately, the Safari Park opens at 8.30 am.. So we have to wait. When we got there, there's already a queue. Seems like there's so many people who decide to go to Safari Park too.
We really enjoyed ourselves there. My father relaxing for a while at reptile cave *cool inside, eh, pop? LOL* and me and my sister watching Elephant show, Dolphin show, and The many-animals drama. Those squirrels sure are cute! In every show, we are showed how wild hunting and forest-looting are ruining our animal habitat, and also ruining our world, as the Global Warming affects us all. After we watch those show, pop had refreshed, and ready to take a walk with us.
We're walking and watch the shows *There's so many shows, bird shows, tiger shows, and many many more I can't remember each one..* we got a little hungry. As the food in Tiger cave was so expensive, we eat the fried rice I brought from home. Actually, for me, it tastes much better than the food in Tiger Cave. LOL. Maybe that's because we really got into the picnic atmosphere? I dunno.
Contented and full, we continues our walking. From 9 am to 4 pm, honestly I feel exhausted. Then, I ask to rest. My pop said it's okay not to watch the last show *I don't know that pop want to see it.. Sorry pop! >.<* and go home. What a nice day we had yesterday..
11:29 PM |
Remind me of why do I like this guys.. I do L♥VE this guys.. Very much!!
And their newest album, [e], was beyond my imagination..
Salute!
What I really love about this new album is the O.S.T. Songs.. There are 4 songs which acronyms was O.S.T, for 2 albums ([e]nergy and [e]motion), 2 for opening and 2 for ending. Basically, this songs are the shortest in this album, but also the best!! They are a little dark, feels cold, but in the other side, makes you feels classy.. *well, at least for me.
a little bit off topic, the O.S.T song that "Owls.Shadows.Tears." makes me wants to go to England, dunno why..
Ahh.. I really love to go to other country.. But unfortunately I didn't have any money at the moment.. T__T but I swear to myself, someday, I will traveling around the world, and search for what I have been missing all these time.. I never feel so contented, so fulfilled.. And I feel called by those overseas countries.. And I will find out what I miss..
slow [e]motion, this song makes me feels that I'm in a high state and needs nothing more other than myself.. Strange how such song can boost my self-confidence so high.. I should put this song in my mp3 player..
And their newest album, [e], was beyond my imagination..
Salute!
What I really love about this new album is the O.S.T. Songs.. There are 4 songs which acronyms was O.S.T, for 2 albums ([e]nergy and [e]motion), 2 for opening and 2 for ending. Basically, this songs are the shortest in this album, but also the best!! They are a little dark, feels cold, but in the other side, makes you feels classy.. *well, at least for me.
a little bit off topic, the O.S.T song that "Owls.Shadows.Tears." makes me wants to go to England, dunno why..
Ahh.. I really love to go to other country.. But unfortunately I didn't have any money at the moment.. T__T but I swear to myself, someday, I will traveling around the world, and search for what I have been missing all these time.. I never feel so contented, so fulfilled.. And I feel called by those overseas countries.. And I will find out what I miss..
slow [e]motion, this song makes me feels that I'm in a high state and needs nothing more other than myself.. Strange how such song can boost my self-confidence so high.. I should put this song in my mp3 player..
11:19 PM |
Tuesday, September 7, 2010Ouch!
My teeth aching.. Hurts like hell..
T_T
Lately I'm not in the mood for blogging.. So forgive my absence..
My teeth aching.. Hurts like hell..
T_T
Lately I'm not in the mood for blogging.. So forgive my absence..
10:20 PM |
