Because nobody had read this blog *maybe just you*, I can tell ALL my darkest secret here..
I admit I had some psychological issues. I had SAS.. Self-Abusal syndrome. I got that from my last ex. He makes me so depressed that I had finally can cope to cutting my arms, drinks drugs forcefully, *usually diabetic and blood-pressure drugs, where my sugar blood and blood pressure are low (80/100)* and hitting my head to the wall, I know that I'm crazy and need some help. Maybe. And I know that I can't be loved this way. I mean, no one wants to have a psycho for their girlfriend, right? But still..
When Bast going out with me.. At first I was so happy. Things may works out now!
1 month.. still not showing anything. I started to think I might be healed completely.
Going on two months.. I started to quarrel with him.
On our two months celebration.. He lied to me. Small thingie, but I dislike dishonesty the most. I was furious, but he didn't show any remorse, or anything. It stressed me up, and voila! I got into SAS again..

I know he watched me and I can't stop it. He looks terrified.
But I don't know it was the end.


Now..
Bast asked me to break up and change our status to be "best-friend"
I should've known, noone can cope with me
I am not lovable.
He can't love me.
But I still tried.. And I failed again.. and again.. and again..

I feel so sad.. I realize that if you want to be loved, at least you have to act that you can be loved. But it's already too late.

G'nite, hoping to see you tomorrow..
If there is. If I'm too coward to do what I had in my mind..
PS: don't worry, I'm still in "chicken" state. so the possibilities are low.. :D